Are you still looking a way to find friends ? Really ? Make new friends is really easy, why you make it so complicated ? Actually, I wonder why I create this article either. There's a lot of way to connect with people in this digital age. Or just go out to some place, people is there right in front of your face.
Yet, not all of us have a courage to find friends or get involved in social activity. Especially for shy or socially awkward people.
When you find yourself struggling with your social life and often feeling lonely. There is a big chance that you have some anxiety or false belief about people or your self - images.
You can't easily meet new people if you believe asking and smile to them is an embarrassing to do. You will be lonely if you always complain that people are sucks. Or you won't get any chance if you think are not worth to have a friends.
What holding you back is not from your social situation. But is on your heart.
Whatever you give to people, it surely reflected back to you.
So if you want more friends, more social engagement, or perhaps an opportunity to grow your network. Be kind to anyone. Never discriminate them by whatever reason.
- The Joy Of Togetherness
They are human, same like you. Whatever they do, they just want to feel good. whether it seems good or bad, forgive them.
Usually there are some hurtful belief attached from the past about people which hold you back to find friends. Clear it and forgive your past immediately.
And if you experience again ( surely, you will experience again, life really love to jokes ) something which seems hurtful to you.
There are 3 option to choose :
FAIRLY FIGHT BACK WITH MANNER
If someone threatening your well-being or dignity. Do what you think necessary to make good for all. Like when someone punch you in the face, you can do the same. It's legal to have a little revenge for lesson purpose. That kind of action is like tell him/her how it fell to get punched. So, him/her won't do that again in the future for whatever reason.
Tell him/her that every problem can be solved with peace and cooperation. Fighting or hurting just add another problem, not solving it.
Don't overdo it with burning emotion. Not only you make yourself hurt further, it just make the problem become wider and more complicated. There's a big chance you will break the relationship.
But if someone hurt you emotionally with words or any kinds of action. You can choose to decline it mentally. Or just reply with kind word. Talk nicely and tell them what they've done is hurting you. Ask them to change with good manner. This action makes them powerless because you claim that your emotion is not affected by anyone else. If somehow you are angry or frustrated, it mean you are agree and allowed yourself to get hurt.
FORGIVE AND ACCEPT THE WAY IT IS
Maybe this is hard to do, but you can't change other people unless they are willing to change by themselves. If you already fight back with manner, and nothing change. Just forgive and accept the way it is.
Forgive a people doesn't mean you allow them to hurt you instead choose to not affected with whatever they do. Sooner or later, the one who hurt you will become bored because you not reacted as they expected.
Surely they will leave you alone and not disturb you anymore.
But, don't suppress any kind of emotion when you decide to forgive them. It will hurt yourself in the long run. Forgiving mean you know your heart deserves peace. You can be angry without doing anything which resonates with anger. Just feel the anger and release it. Emotion is a short-lived energy and will passed in time as long as you didn't give any attention to it.
I used to always suppressing my own emotion and try to get rid this emotion with my logical thinking. The result ? It become worse.
The only way to getting out and release from the loop of emotion is to feel it without doing anything.
Watch those feeling inside you, hear what they want without the need to get rid or involved in that void of emotion.
If you can do this, and i know you can. You go beyond your emotion. YOU are no longer your emotion.
If people around you doesn't make any sense anymore, leave it for good. Stop wasting time and energy in the place you don't belong. Let go all feeling and buried it deeply. It's better to be alone than surrounded by people who drag you down.
Are you afraid and sad to be alone ? Don't worry, you know there is a billion people in this planet ready to becomes your friend. And this articles is supposed to help you right ?
When you already know what hold you back, you can make friends and meet new people with ease.
CREATE SOCIAL CIRCLE FROM SCRATCH
This strategy is good for people who have zero connection and want to get out from lonely wolf into one large pack of wolves. I'm a type of people who love spend my time alone.
First of all, know the different of lonely feeling and being alone.
Lonely feeling is when you are feeling separated and isolated. Lonely feeling is a negative belief that you are always alone. Even there are people around you. Lonely feeling will make you resist and reject people who try to get close. It usually a result of judgement-pattern from traumatic past or intense negative emotion about human. That's why I said to clear up any resistance in your heart before I told you the strategy to find friends.
This feeling will become obstacles if you are not conscious about it first. I realize it when I used to be like you.
Everyday and every time, lonely feeling blocked me to have a lot of friends. It make me lazy to get out from my house and involved in any social activity. I used to think people are boring. I hate people, always see the bad than the good. Yet, in the same time I'm desperate enough to have fun with people.
I do whatever it takes to find friends who can understand me, respect me, hear me and not ignored me. But I always feel lonely even I met people like I want.
But now, I already realize those feeling is the root of the problems. This day, I can have fun with my friends and still be happy when I alone. Being alone is my conscious choice. I can easily make new friends if I wanted to.
Now I'm on my way to expand my social circle. It run so smooth because I'm not feel lonely anymore. And I know how to do it even I'm alone.
Supposed you already conscious and deeply realise that the problem is not the situation but on your feeling.
You can start to increase your social circle, find friends without worry, and meet new people smoothly.
" You haven't told me about the strategy yet " I can hear your heart say something like that.
Okay, let's go to the business. Here is my best strategies to find friends and meet new people.
APPRECIATE FRIENDS WHO ALREADY THERE
No matter how lonely you are, there will always people around. I believe you will have 1 or 2 friends in your current situation. Like wise man said, appreciate everything you already have. Even it seems small or didn't satisfied you.
Learn to understand them deeply. Listen with open mind. Know that they presence is already a gift for you.
Share every little thing you want to share. Communicate more intense with them. Don't hold back because when they are with you. Know they are love you.
Try to understand the good or the bad in them. Just understand, let it go all of your judgement. You will judge, I know but don't make it matter or think about it.
This is the important step yet ignored badly for most people. There's no more terrible thing than searching a better friends in the place of lack of appreciation to whom already there.
Not only you will find it hard to find friends matched with your expectation. You will never satisfied and underestimate to anyone who come close to you. In the long run, you will trapped in endless search for a better one. It might make your belief about people become worst.
And if it happen like that, you will never feel the joy of your friends presence. Thats what I said about lonely feeling.
Lonely feeling come from the lack of appreciation to people around you. Don't try to find a better one, but try to create your current relationship better.
So, what happen if you fully appreciate your friends ? Your communication skill, understanding, compassion towards people, unconditional love, and any other factor required for meet new people will run automatically in you.
And there is a big chance that your friends, have another friends, and those friends will have another friends. This chain is endless, so start to join this chain of friends with appreciation. Sooner or later, it become bigger by itself.
This is how powerful appreciation is.
OPEN MIND AND CONNECT DEEPLY TO ANYONE
When you start join the chain of friends, you must open your mind. Because, everybody will have different character and behaviour. If you closed your mind, you will be disappointed A LOT. The world is not as small as your mind think.
Open mind will take you to the place of rich experience and rich social life.
How to open your mind ? Let it all be and accept people just the way they are. Let it go the need to make them like what you want to be. Expect nothing. Instead, enjoy every presence there.
The more you enjoy the presence of people, the more you connect with them deeply. Why ? Because you are free from judgement thinking, free from worry, free from reason and the need to please them or yourself. You are in the flow of life when all is one and connected.
What more be peasant feeling than that. When you can do this, not only you have a good feeling, everybody around you does it too. Of course they would love to be your friend and get close to you.
No trick, no mind games, no manipulation. Just natural human interaction and wholeness.
It tell how to connect deeply with human being in 4 dimensional level.
CONCERNED TO WHAT YOU CAN GIVE THAN TAKE
Being a giver will remove any mental burden and the need to impress people. Offer the best thing you can do when you meet new people. Give smile, kind word, or action to make them feel better about themselves.
Limit yourself to not give for people who don't want to be given. Just offer !
If they love what you give, great !! No ? No big deal right ? Just like you don't take something that you didn't want. Not all people want your gift. Understand this deeply. Because most people try to force or become angry when rejected. That's what I call needy.
Your only job is offer, give them the free choice to take your offer or not.
No hard feeling, no drama, both of you will be comfortable.
On the other side, when you try to take, prepare to handle a lot of anxiety and resistance inside you. Taker didn't have any power or control. It all depend on outside himself.
Taker side will self-conscious or try to manipulate situation. They will do anything necessary to satisfied their wish.
The success rate when you are in the taker side ? It depend on your power to manipulate, trick, possession and skill. Didn't have enough power ? Anxiety and frustration comes up.
Consider when you want to take someone money, you will get inside your head thinking on how to get it. If you don't have something to give them, did you have courage to ask money ? The choice is on him, to give or not . When you don't have choice, it mean you didn't have power to control.
Didn't have power, mean you always wishing and hoping to get what you want. Trust me, it feel so bad. That's why anxiety and frustration always comes up to the taker side. Especially if the situation is not like they want.
TALK LESS LISTEN MORE, JUDGE LESS UNDERSTAND MORE
None wants to have one side communication. People love to tell about themselves. Give them the chance to do it. Listen what he/she say. Keep your attention on conversation. Give a funny or interesting feedback that show you are in conversation.
When she/ he already opened themselves, it mean they are interested to you. So for god sake, stop bragging about yourselves to impress them.
Reframe your judgment thinking from your lens, and try to understand as human.
Ask the question like, how she/he feels in this moment ? What kind of experience she / he try to tell ? Understand this in human lens, not your own experience.
This kind of question will make your judgement become less, and focus to have better understanding. And you will broader your experience, because consciously or not, you will absorb others experience in words form. That the power of understanding.
Share your experience according to the story if the conversation flow smoothly, your friend deserves to get the experiences too. You happy, and everyone happy.
GO OUT A LOT
You won't get any friend if you stay at home all day. Except you choose to. Even you just meet one person when you go out, is a great step.
Maybe for shy or introvert people ( Like me ), you will face procrastinations a lot before going out. The question like what will happen if I go there ? What kind of benefit if I go to X house ? Or similar question who makes you confused to go.
None of this matter. You never knew what will happen. This is what I called closed mind. procrastinations limit yourself into a wide opportunity and possibility.
How can you expect to find friends if you only stay at home ? Go somewhere where you can meet new people. Gym, Music, Cafe or just your close friend home.
FIND FRIENDS IN ANY OPPORTUNITY AND SOCIAL ACTIVITY
Sometimes, you will get involved in any social activity or just go to someplace when people met. This is what I called opportunity. Offer smile and a small talk to some stranger there. Know each others. Share contact if needed.
If you don't have any social activity, participated into it. Every social activity is the best choice to find friends. There will be a lot of fun thing to do also. Find social activity which matched with your passion. I'm sure you'll be happy there.
Perhaps, it can make some money for you too. Like me, I Love music, and I join one of music community in my hometown. Sometimes we create a live event that make money for us. It's fun, easy to find friends, and get money.
Start to find your social activity, stop worrying how it looks like or what will happen. Just get involved, and everything will go automatically.
ALWAYS KEEP IN TOUCH AND COMMUNICATE
Never lost in touch with your friends. In these age, is easy to keep contact even we are separated miles away. Use the power of social media, and messenger to ask how their life's doing.
Just say hi and greet will make your bonds with them stay still. Even both of you busy with life, friend are a friend. You meet for a reason. Remember step 1 ? Keep in touch and communicate with old friends is kind of appreciation for what you already have.
Beside, who knows if you get an opportunity to work together and join their business. Or you helped them to join your business ? It will strengthen your bonds further.
MAKES YOURSELF ATTRACTIVE
What is the first thing to make other people see you as an attractive person ? Your Looks. Read my article about looks on Increase Social Life With Your Looks. Stop Ignored It ! Or 10 Quick Tips To Stay Fashionable Without Much Money.
When you have an attractive looks, it will easier to find friends. Why ? Because they love to see you and curious to know you. Maybe you didn't have to make extra effort to find friends, they will come by themselves. After that is up to you to keep communication further, or just to know each other.
Makeover your looks is a great investment to find friends easily.
The simplest method to increase communication skill is do it a lot. Nothing special required in this segment, just how you express what's on your mind into words.
Be honest in everything you said without intention to hurt other. It will create your communication genuine, unique and attractive.
When you do my method mentioned above right, im sure your speech will flow like a river.
REPEAT ALL STEP
Continue the cycle of all step to create more abundant social life. Even it seems small at first, your social circle will expand in the matter of times.
Phew, I didn't expect this article will be this long. You still want to say find friends is hard after I wrote so much for you ? Ask your inner being. It means, there's something hold you back in your heart. Be aware of that shadow.
Or read this e-book for extra knowledge. This book will add more strategy into your pocket for find friends.
Well, would you be my friends ?